Battling defiance

Compassion before correction.

Parents, when our children defy our instruction it can be gut wrenching, disappointing and defeating. There are possibly a few other adjectives that can be inserted. Although, perhaps you have or haven’t considered a few possibilities:

The defiant behavior has escalated to a compulsory act that would need a more strategic approach vs an instruction.

Its a cry for attention that should be immediately separated from the act or acts because it can become habitual.

The defiance is reactionary to one specific recent event. Be mindful that this can be mimicking behavior of a brand of, you did me wrong so it’s only fair. Some examples this behaviors can be subtly picked are:

  • Road rage or angry driver scenarios where the infraction caused the parent or someone else in the car to loose restraint in the presence of the child. These are tragic situations because the child is startled from all directions when or if the car swerves or worse, when the driver of the car there in physical and emotionally become enraged and the only explanation they receive is more anger towards the person no one in the car knows. This elevated physiological response in the car leaves the child alert to all that is happening. Heart rate elevated increasing blood flow to the brain = alert and recording of the behavior response.
  • Another scenario would be in a heated argument in the household that the child did not see coming. We verbal attacks in some situations that are brutal. These both have an effect that can be baffling to a parent because the apologies may have been made and the child or teen has give the impression they have moved on and it’s forgotten. It’s not!

When a child has not learned the optimal behavior response for a given encounter and responds based on impulses that leads to reward. This disregard for consequence could be due to age lack of association or simple unaware of the choice to defy.

Those are only a few possible situations but hopefully a makes some sense. Without restraint built in through discussions, environment, character modeled behavior, prolonged delay of intimate conversations about expectation when the awareness is heightened leads to defiance. This may seems contradictory to some but instruction and correction in anger can lead to more of a withdrawal. When a child withdraws due to feeling defeated, the cognitive ability to learn and get perspective seem to drop to very low levels. If in doubt, ask a child what you said when they are Being corrected. Or ask an older kid to tell it back to you in their own words.

This information cast no judgment if you are reading this, it solely intended to bring awareness. I have not met a parent who does not want more that they had for their kids.

Thank you for reading. Kidstrive to honor and model good character.

#We must anticipate the needs of our families by reviewing the environment and cultures we create in our homes though careful analysis and meditation throughout the day. In and outside their presence.

#Provision is not only providing financially. It’s positive provision through presence, compassion, persistence and praise.

#Give the gift that last for generations, a home with a strong foundation, beautiful inside and out, busting with knowledge in every room.


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